Obsessing on the Little Things

Since I was hospitalized -- actually before that -- and have been in continuing recovery, I've noticed how much I've tended to write and think about and act (when I can) on what most people would consider "the little things." 

Being able to walk, for example, or bend over if only a little bit. Being able to bathe and dress myself, make a sandwich if I'm hungry, go to the bathroom and not have to pee into a bottle. These are tiny victories, but they loom enormous for me given my once pathetic inability to even sit up on my own.

The ordeal with the washing machine(s) has tested my ability to do all sorts of things, figure out a wide range of movement, make repairs, deal with customer service (ha ha) and so on, even managing to move around a lot of stuff in the kitchen.

Having heat in the house and a washing machine that doesn't flood the room makes a big difference in living more or less well, doesn't it?

Oh there's more. I've been putting up reed and bamboo screening fencing in the back so that (maybe) our neighbor's dog (Shepherd) won't see Ms. Ché when she goes for her constitutional walk which she feels obligated to do because of her diabetes. A circuit around our property amounts to a quarter mile, so four times around is a mile, and she likes to do five circuits. If Shepherd is out though, he'll come running to the fence, barking and jumping lustily, and scaring the wits out of Ms., even though she knows he can't really get to her, and according to Mike, Shepherd's owner, he wouldn't hurt her. He just gets excited to see her!

I'm very slow putting up the screening. I'd hoped to do one roll length a day, but that went out the window when the wind came up a couple of days ago and we had to stay indoors or get blown to pieces. Even if I was well, I couldn't do the install outdoors in high wind. But it's partially up and seems to be holding. Seems to be working with Shepherd, too.

There's a lot of clean up to do around our place which I'm plotting out day by day, slowly, slowly, as the weather gets better. I hope to get some things going in the greenhouse, but I don't know. Maybe. Ordinarily, I'd be starting now, but not this year. Too many other things...

I'm just amazed and kind of delighted that I can do much of anything. I wish I could do more, much more, but the little things I can do are surprisingly satisfying, and so much of it is so simple, like an infant learning to walk or a child figuring out how to accomplish tasks. 

I even managed to replace a non-functioning clock hands, quartz mechanism, pendulum and electronic chime with a new outfit I ordered online and it's really a thrill that it works. Keeps relatively accurate time! And doesn't chime between 10:00pm and 6:00am! The chime, too, is modest and not overwhelming like the three mechanical clocks we have that chime so loudly they practically blow you out of your seat. Yay!

Yes, these are all "little things", but damn, being able to do them at all is amazing for me. And how little we notice and appreciate our abilities when we have them.

Recovery

 I completed a 12 week course of antibiotic treatment for osteomyelitis in early December and thought that with enough physical therapy, I'd be more or less OK, at least well enough to get around and do most of my tasks,

Well, it hasn't worked out that way. Not quite. I've had some serious problems with pain. I cannot get around very well, both because of pain and a surprising amount of numbness in my left leg and foot. I limp. I drag my left foot when I walk, and I often have little idea where it is in space. I'm very unsteady on my feet and have nearly fallen many times. I have actually fallen twice since returning home from the hospital, both times acquiring some interesting bruises and fierce pains in one or both knees. 

Yesterday I got a call to set up an assessment appointment with a neurosurgeon. I am pretty well convinced that the problems I continue to have are due to nerve damage from the infection but I don't know whether there is any reasonable solution. We'll see.

And then there are dental issues. But that's for another time and place.

"What a drag it is getting older..."

Chaos -- and The Wreck

I've been contemplating Chaos the last few weeks, and wouldn't you know, last Wednesday, Ms. Ché was involved in a serious auto accident in Albuquerque. She and the other driver were both injured, and the cars were totaled. This was Albuquerque, and this is what happens day in and day out. You never know when it will happen to you. But you can be almost certain that it will.

So I guess you have to be prepared, but I don't really know how you prepare for what is essentially a random incident. Best you can do is prepare for the risk. Be aware that it can happen at any time, and you never know. 

I wasn't there, so I don't know exactly how this wreck happened or whose liability will eventually be claimed. From what I've been told, it sounds like either driver, or both, may have been at fault. At any rate, that determination is probably weeks or months away.

In the meantime, Ms. Ché is recovering from her injuries (mostly from the airbags) well, and the insurance company has paid off her car loan and provided a modest amount on top of it to use toward another car should we choose.

Well, since Ms. Ché starts back to school at IAIA in Santa Fe on Tuesday, we pretty much have to choose. We have another vehicle, the ancient Astro van that got us here from California back in the day, but she says she can't drive it ("It's too big! My feet won't reach the pedals!") and I really wouldn't want her to, as it is old and the brakes -- among other things -- aren't the best. I've driven it in ice and snow -- whoo-hoo! -- and it's an adventure to say the least.

Another car, though. Hm. A friend wants to sell us a recently restored 1957 T-Bird. Wouldn't that be fun? It's a gorgeous car, but well out of our price range (I believe they want $37,000 and it's worth more), and beyond that, I'm not sure it's the best thing to commute the 50 miles each way between our place and Santa Fe. Still... it would be a treat.

I've contemplated a beater, rust bucket pick up. They are available at pretty low prices in this area, but... Not sure Ms. Ché would be able to drive it any better than she could drive the van, and there would be plenty of safety concerns on that long daily commute. A breakdown along the way could be a serious misadventure.

The car that was wrecked was a Subaru, pretty much an ideal vehicle for New Mexico given the weather and the roads and so forth. She loved it. Now for something else...

The Wreck of course was a chaotic incident. Chaos seems to be our collective fate for a while. Getting through it is not going to be easy, yet some of us are well-adapted to coping with whatever comes our way.

I'm not altogether sure I'm one of them. But we'll see, won't we?

The Storm

No Name Storm of 1991

Hurricane Sandy will be known simply as The Storm for some time to come. I haven't been able to check the news very thoroughly or very often so I don't know very much about what has been going on along the East Coast, but there are plenty of lessons for the rest of us.

The statistics of loss, damage and destruction are not really the important thing to those who are affected by these events, and hurricanes are not the only events that give rise to the lessons I'm thinking of. How many people and animals are lost and injured, how much property damage there has been, how long it takes to get things back in some kind of order... these are all matters that become abstractions at the individual and family level of people trying to adjust and survive in the midst of chaos and greater or lesser disruption.

The trauma is really what affects the people who live through these events. I remember, for example, how traumatized my mother was by the 1925 earthquake in Santa Barbara. She was a teen-ager at the time, and apparently her mother was trapped for a while in a collapsed building. My mother didn't know where her mother was, though, and she was terrified. The trauma never left her for the rest of her life. It was obvious in her eyes when she told me about it decades later.

It seems that most of those who lived through the wrath of The Storm this time did not actually suffer loss -- apart from, perhaps, some inconvenience of some sort. Many are apparently taking it in stride, in part because they are OK and everyone they know is OK. They have what they need and are able to carry on well enough in the midst of the chaos.

But there are so many others who can't. Their routine is completely disrupted. Perhaps they have no home any more. Their treasured things are gone. They've lost loved ones. They can't find their pets. Their clothes are ruined or they can't get to their jobs. They're out of food and water. On and on. The disruption and the loss from The Storm -- or from any stupendous event -- can be overwhelming.

Unfortunately, there are too many people who seek their own advantage at the expense of the victims who are overwhelmed by the disruption and loss others have experienced. These are the carrion feeders and predators who are always among us. They look forward to seeing others in such distress or so overwhelmed, they make easy prey.

We saw this horrifyingly in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina -- which doesn't seem so very long ago now. Whether we will see it in the aftermath of Sandy remains to be seen, but from a distance the mood and the spirit seems to be quite different. Well, except for a certain smirking former Massachusetts governor who decides to collect food at campaign events in Ohio -- food which none of the helping agencies want or need. The sight of it is stomach churning.

Meanwhile for those who have "lost everything and who are trying to pick up the pieces," the legacy of The Storm will last the rest of their lives. Most of that legacy is trauma and loss, but some of it-- the survival part of that legacy -- is the chance for something new. Not everyone can handle or wants that. But those who can and do may find the legacy of The Storm to be energizing.

I just hope that those who have lost loved ones, homes, livelihoods, ways of life and so on are not further victimized -- as many of the survivors of Katrina were -- by predators and carrion feeders, such as that smirking doofus. Things are tough enough for them already.

Meanwhile: Medical Update

Today's results are... ambiguous.

Pulmonologist says X-rays show marked improvement, however... there are signs of scarring. He's concerned as well that the pneumonia is not completely cleared up, so he's put me on another ten day antibiotics course. He says it could take yet another 10 days beyond that to kill it, given the way he (and I) believe I acquired it [Note to self: do not aspirate stomach contents!] But on the other hand he says there is no sign from smears and blood tests that I have TB, and he doesn't suspect it at all. He wanted another blood test and a chest X-ray in a month.

So this afternoon, I see the infectious disease specialist for the first time. He's quite bemused by the whole affair which tends to lighten the mood somewhat. He says there is no sign -- at all -- that I have TB, but he can't rule it out completely because the skin test was never "officially read." Yes, he says, I clearly have pneumonia, and yes, it is responding to treatment though it is stubborn as heck. Instead of waiting a month for another X-ray, he says that I should have one as soon as I complete the next course of antibiotics, then come back to see him and "we can discuss progress."

Naturally, the antibiotics that were ordered this morning are not ready at the pharmacy, so I may not be able to start taking them until tomorrow. The pharmacy is "behind." Yes, well. This is Kaiser, and anyone who uses them has their own horror stories. Not having a prescription ready is hardly the worst that can happen or has happened there.

Overall, truth to tell, I'm pretty pleased with outpatient care of my condition. It's a bit chaotic to be sure but manageable nonetheless.

For the time being, the IIED suit that I was preparing to take to my favorite plaintiff's attorney is on hold.... heh heh heh.

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Note: While I may seem to be cavalier about all this, in fact I know it's nothing to make light of. Even if my healthcare coverage is through Kaiser Permanente, and it may not be the best, at least I have health care coverage, and if I choose to use an alternative urgent care or med clinic, I can afford to do so. That's not the case for many tens of millions of Americans. So I'm lucky compared to many. While I may not be happy at the way I was treated -- and not treated -- at the Kaiser ER a couple of weeks ago, I have seen with my own eyes ERs that do much worse, that cannot handle the crush of patients at all and that seem to thrive on neglecting patients rather than treating them.

There is something deeply wrong with the practice of heath care in America. It goes back many decades, and nothing that's been proposed to date is capable of really reaching, let alone dealing with, the underlying problem. Our heath care system is not set up to deal with patients as people/individuals. It's set up primarily to serve the interests of industry. Hospitals, doctors, administrators, nurses all are served first and foremost. Patients are, for the most part, an afterthought if that. Our health care system, in other words, is upside down, and it has been that way for decades. It's a sad thing to witness and experience, but it's really all we've got -- if we're lucky enough to have access to it apart from whatever happens in the ER.

I resist hospital care because I've seen again and again, and I've personally experienced, how truly appalling it can be for the patient. I know too much of what goes on, how neglect is built in to the hospital care system, and how recovery is essentially impossible in a hospital setting. I don't mind outpatient and clinic care because I have seen and personally experienced how it can be -- but isn't always -- better for the patient to obtain necessary healthcare as an outpatient. Mistakes can be and are made no matter what, but outpatient care is more oriented toward the patient -- even if treatment takes longer and is more complicated to obtain.

But the crying shame is that so many people don't have access to anything but the ER. And they will be lucky to get through that alive and not immediately bankrupted.

Health Care Update

Spent a good deal of the morning being worked up and lectured by my primary physician and a resident. They still "suspect" I have TB and claim the skin test I demanded from the ER isn't "valid" because it wasn't "officially read." In fact, it was my primary physician's office that said -- on Monday -- it didn't need to be "officially read." Needless to say, I had some choice comments about doctors who think they're gods and can't be bothered following the simplest procedures.

The lecture had to do with the fact that TB is a public health issue -- which I was pretty sure of -- and that if I continued to refuse treatment (which I never have done), they would be forced to report me to the County PHS and have them follow up. By law. Etc. Etc. So I explained, again, that I was not refusing treatment, I was refusing hospitalization, and that my experience in the ER had been deplorable, yadda yadda. This does get old after a while. He wasn't there, he knows nothing. Too bad, so sad. CYA.

Well, things seemed to settle down, and the physician actually calmly and coherently -- and (I think) truthfully -- explained that he didn't know and couldn't tell what was wrong with me, but he suspected pneumonia (since I was responding to antibiotics) on top of another condition which, given my history of smoking and asbestos exposure, was quite possibly cancer. There was a clearly anomalous mass in my lung -- which could be cancer, TB, or simple pneumonia. But the blood I keeepcoughing up was a sign of something serious, but what, he couldn't be sure. I gave them a sample for culture. They want two more.

He scheduled me for a pulmonary specialist this afternoon and an infectious disease specialist in a week. Clearly, the TB diagnosis is low priority.

There will be a number of tests more, including a likely biopsy.

It's a strange sensation at this point. I am really angry at their continued inappropriate suspicion that I have tuberculosis, when I haven't even been exposed to it -- according to the very obvious negative results of the skin test, which was never "officially read" because the doctor's office staff assured me it didn't have to be. How dare they threaten me over it. How dare they?

On the other hand, I'm rather sanguine over the potential of a cancer diagnosis. It wouldn't really be that much of a surprise. Not something I want, to be sure, but if that's what the gods will, then that's it.

So, more update after I see the pulmonary guy.

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That went well. Surprisingly, given what I've been through to this point. The pulmonologist was not alarmed in the least, said as far as he could tell, what I had was incipient emphysema -- from past smoking -- and "simple" pneumonia. The blood I'd been coughing up is most likely a consequence of the pneumonia and nothing more. He said the CT scan showed that all the airways were open. He said the other doctors probably couldn't tell because they weren't trained to read lung scans the way he was and their alarm was probably overdone. He was annoyed that my primary physician didn't bother to read the TB skin test within 48 - 72 hours of administering. But he accepted my description of negative results (no reddening, irritation or bumps). Since he does not suspect TB in any case, he isn't too worried about it. I may have to get another test, however, when I see the infectious disease specialist next week. I need to provide two more sputum samples (good luck!), but there is no rush. I'm scheduled for a chest x-ray next Wednesday. The chest guy thinks it will be pretty clear. If it isn't, I'll be scheduled for additional followup, but if it is, then that's pretty much it.

What a difference from what I'd been through earlier. Doing the necessary exams and tests as an outpatient may take a little more time, but it's been my experience that outpatient medical services are usually better for the patient than in-hospital service. Too much can go wrong in the hospital for one thing, and for another, issues tend to be treated as crises, all the time. The patient is nothing but an object under the circumstances, and that severely affects the ability to recover. Recovery may be completely impossible in the hospital.

A week or so more, and this episode should be resolved. I'm hoping.

Recovery Update

So far, so good, though it's a rougher course this time.

Antibiotics are working, as they have in the past, but the course of recovery is not as smooth as I might like. No sign of blood in the lungs has shown up since I went to the ER, but nothing at all has come up since then, either. UPDATE (02/09/11, 11:00am): A small amount of blood has just come up. Sigh. The TB skin test is negative. I'll do outpatient follow up with doctor on Friday, a few days before the antibiotics run out.

Thinking back, I'm pretty sure how I got pneumonia in the first place: aspirating stomach contents. When it happened, I convinced myself that I hadn't breathed in what had been coming up, but I was wrong. It was a very strange experience to say the least. Anyway, the first attempt at recovery seemed to work, but the pneumonia came back, worse than before, and now I'm going through another course of antibiotics.

There may be some other issues as well. I haven't discussed it with doctors, but I should. For about 2½ years, maybe three, I was working in an asbestos saturated environment -- unbeknownst to me at the time. I breathed in asbestos dust every day, sometimes quite a lot of it, and only years later did I find out what I was breathing and how dangerous it was. I haven't smoked for about fifteen years, but I smoked heavily before that. So that may be a contributing factor (I have discussed my previous smoking habit with physicians.)

First things first: take care of the pneumonia (please!), then deal with the potential other problems.

After the Revolution Comes

Everyone knows that the Marketing Department of the Sirius Cybernetics Corporation will be first against the wall after the Revolution Comes.

But once they're dealt with, it might be useful to have some sort of Program or Plan of what to do to correct the lurching, faltering juggernaut that the United States has become. It's either that or civil war. Of course our Enemies, foreign and domestic, would dearly love to see the USA consume itself in yet another futile civil war. More for them, eh?

Well. Certain things do need to happen after the Revolution, and I've put together a few ideas of wither we should go as a nation after the American constitutional republic and the imperial security state that has replaced it have fallen once and for all.

First concept is that a self-governing constitutional republic is structurally and functionally a Good Thing -- so long as its make-up and operations are not graven in stone or on Golden Plates requiring High Priests and the Urim and Thummim to interpret. Making a secular religion and fetish of the Constitution is what got us in this mess in the first place. We must never return to that situation.

What should we do, then?

1) Abolish the States. That's key. Our corrupted and decadent Constitutional system is based on the unification of the several "sovereign states" to form a Nation. All well and good, except that the "sovereign states" aren't sovereign, and the states themselves are a mishmash of political convenience and historical greed, colonial outpost and imperial expansion that make no rational sense at all. Get rid of them.

Hawaii should be restored to independence; Alaska, most probably, should be given to Canada or Russia -- or be granted its own independence. Why not? It should be capable of self-sustenance.

As for the Lower 48, all the states should be abolished. They should be replaced with nine or ten Autonomous Regions, independent of one another and the national government for most domestic purposes. The Regions should be established so far as possible on an equal footing -- which of course is more ideal than practical at least at first -- based on geographically contiguous, demographically diverse, and economically self-sufficient areas of more or less equal population. Thus no particular Region should have an intrinsic advantage over any other, though as I say, at first that is a difficult goal to achieve. Eventually, however, the concept of Autonomous Regions can flourish as an egalitarian ideal and a practical reality so long as no Region is ever allowed to dominate any of the others or the national government.

2) Abolish the Senate. This should be self evident; once the States are gone, there is no reason for a Senate. On the other hand, a National Council made up of Regional Councilors can serve something of the honorific -- if not the governing -- function of a Senate. Most governing systems do have an Upper House, but in many cases, they function like the British House of Lords, purely for decorative and/or honorific purposes, and if government and the People, as reconceived, need such an honorific body, then fine. Have one. Just don't give it any governing authority.

3) Double, triple, or even quadruple the size of the House of Representatives. My preference is that the Larger the Better. The problem that we have now is that representation at the national level doesn't include The People, and it doesn't in part because the sheer enormity of the constituencies of House members' districts. Rather than represent the People under such circumstances, it is much easier -- and customary -- to represent the interests of "clients." Those who pay, in other words, and ultimately, those who Own. Expanding the size of the House of Representatives is the first step toward correcting that imbalance. And immediate follow on has to correct the electoral system and how it is funded.

4) Abolish and reconstitute the Law and Justice system. This is a really fundamental objective. Law and Justice has rarely been well-handled in this country, despite all the rhetoric to the contrary, and as the nation has devolved into Empire, the capability of the System to administer "equal justice under the law" has simply vanished altogether. The entire system needs to be remade from the ground up. The need is on par with that of France after the Revolution, and there are worse models than the Code Napoleon to follow in remaking our own Law and Justice system. An interim system, while the practical aspects of the reconstituted system are worked out, would have to be instituted, and as horrible as it is to contemplate, the interim might well be that of the military justice system, conducted by military JAG officers. It's by no means perfect, but it is worlds better -- when it comes to Justice as an absolute -- than what is presently in place, and providing justice temporarily through a military system can have a number of benefits: 1) it might re-integrate the military into civil society again; 2) it can serve to occupy military interest in something other than aggressive war and conquest overseas.

5) Reconceive the nature and purpose of Corporations. Corporations are not persons and they do not have civil rights. They are special purpose constructs meant for specific ends, they exist and persist solely and completely at the will of the People through their representatives in Council and Congress Assembled, and they are granted specific privileges and protections by Revocable Charter. Corporate misdeed and wrong doing is punishable by extinguishment and forfeiture; corporate officers are responsible severally and jointly for unlawful and criminal acts.

6) Autonomous Regions are governed by elected Regional Councils. Each Councilperson shall have a constituency of no more than 15,000 persons in order to ensure that Regional Councils are as closely representative of the People as possible. Regional Councils have the authority to legislate most Regional domestic matters as they see fit, so long as the National Rights and Responsibilities as declared in the national constitution are followed. Relationships between Regions are governed by National law, but within Regions, autonomy is maintained.

7) Regional Councils send Representatives to the National Council, how many from each region to be determined, 5 to 10 being most likely. These Representatives may or may not be members of the Regional Councils that send them, and they are appointed by committees of the Councils. (Remember, the National Council is an honorific body, not a legislative body.)

8) There is a popularly elected head of state, analogous to the President, who, like a constitutional monarch "reigns but does not rule." The Head of State has no legislative or executive authority. The Head of State represents the Nation in world affairs and is under the authority of the House of Representatives.

9) The House of Representatives elects from its membership the Head of Government. As in a Parliamentary system, the Head of Government is analogous to the Prime Minister. The majority party is generally responsible for the selection and election of the Head of Government, but due to the multi-party nature of the regional and national political system, coalition candidates are inevitable.

10) Both the Democratic and the Republican Parties are abolished and quite likely both will be subject to prosecution as criminal conspiracies.

11) Parties and factions to represent the interests of the People are encouraged with few restrictions, but election funding is entirely from the public purse. Private contributions to candidates for election are forbidden. This restriction may be modified in time, but until the overwhelming amounts of corrupt election funding -- ie: purchasing candidates -- is removed from the process, private contributions to candidates must be unlawful. Every certified candidate for election shall receive the same funding level from the public purse.

12) Media shall be required to present candidates on air and in print a certain number of times each election cycle at no charge.

13) The National Armed Forces shall be made up of volunteers and draftees from recruited and provided by the Autonomous Regions based on the need for defensive forces rationally determined. Aggressive war is forbidden, Empire and Imperial conquest forsworn.

14) Citizenship shall be determined by the Autonomous Regions, based on certain national principles: there shall be no religious, racial, gender or economic status discrimination in determining citizenship, nor shall immigration or justice status of parents deny citizenship to offspring. The process of immigration and emigration shall be streamlined and rationalized on a national basis, but the basis for granting or denying citizenship to immigrants will be up to the Autonomous Regions to determine. Citizens of one Autonomous Region are by definition National citizens and thus are granted all rights and privileges of citizenship in each Autonomous Region.

15) Citizenship includes civil, political, and economic rights and privileges, as well as civil, political and economic responsibilities.

[break!] To be continued....

What Should Happen

I actually heard a version of this notion on the radio as I was driving this afternoon listening to the Tom Sullivan show. Right wing hack that he is, sometimes Sullivan lets a smidge of uncommon sense slip through.

The idea goes something like this:

While trillions upon trillions of dollars are being shoveled out of the Treasury to support the lavish ways and styles of the plutocracy, the common folks are withering on the vine, their homes foreclosed, cars repossessed, jobs disappearing, credit evaporating. The crunch on Main Street is gathering steam even as the hit on Wall Street is deeply cushioned to say the least.

So why not do a "bottom up" stimulus? This is something people have been clamoring for and it is something the Powers That Be have resisted with all their souls and all their might.

So do it anyway. And the way to do it is to issue a credit account to every taxpayer, an account of say $100,000 for individuals, $200,000 for families (more or less), that could only be used for certain things, such as:

to pay down or pay off a mortgage with the limitation that the mortgage must be at least 24 months old.


• to pay off credit card balances more than two years old.
  
  
• to purchase a new fuel efficient vehicle and/or pay off a car loan
  
  
• to pay off certain other debts (such as medical bills)
  
  

to purchase certain kinds of efficient appliances or to weatherize or improve homes, etc.



Any amounts not used within, say, 12 months would revert to the treasury.

Something like this, essentially getting large amounts of money into individual taxpayers' hands to use for specific purposes intended to "turn the economy around" could well do the trick.

Throwing more trillions at phantoms of wealth on Wall Street and in the bankers' boardrooms can't and won't do it.

Putting significant amounts of money in circulation at the bottom of the pyramid just might.