Second Chemo

Went well enough even though I only had one usable arm and didn't  get labs done beforehand. It took some doing to prize results out of the lab but Nurse Mindy got it done.What bothered me is that I began to lose control of my bladder short way into the house after we got home  and promptly fell down. How many times is that now? 10? I don't know. Didn't break anything this time down; yay. I'm grateful to whatever powers that be are looking over me and chuckling at my continued arrogance. Had to get the neighbors over to help me up and get me to bed. They were very good about it, More gratitude. More cake.  

I'm not going to lie. This is frustrating, depressing and dangerous. How many more falls? How many more broken bones? How many more times do we have to call help to get me off the floor? I'm not liking this much. 

Hiccups have started, Home remedy hasn't worked  very well. Bladder control is limited. How do we fix this? Maybe we don't. Not prepared to give up; far from it. But the more things keep falling apart, the mote doubt creeps in like a little itch you can't quite scratch.

Try to sleep. This too shall pass.

Adding a little bit

 The after effects of the chemo treatment were worse than I anticipated. The first day was fine. Second through fifth not so much. Primarily because of ... wait for it .... hiccups. Began on the second day and would not stop -- despite all kinds of medications for nausea and vomiting and allergy and what not -- until I concocted a remedy of my own:

*Tums

*Prilosec

*Cold milk

Ta da! Done and dusted.

But for that period of hiccupping constantly, I was miserable. Still fatigued, sleep all the time and then some, and though I'm actually getting physically stronger, I feel weak as well as tired.

I still can't walk without a walker or someone holding on to a gait belt and that drives me nuts, but I don't want to fall again. I've lost weight, down to about 155. I eat, though, so I'm not sure why I'm still losing weight. Maybe the cancer just eats up everything. I'll continue to try to get my weight up to 165 or so. My hair is starting to fall out, so I think I'll cut what's left real short and see what happens. Other than that, I feel fine. No pain to speak of. What I do feel is easily controlled with prescribed opioids. I'm grateful for that. 

Ms. Ché is more and more overwhelmed, and I feel terrible about it. I wish there was more I could do and that the feelers I've put out to get her some help were being promptly answered. But you know, any little bit makes a difference.

If I'm on Death's Door, I sure don't feel like it. Nope. Apart from the aforementioned side effects of the chemo I don't feel any different at all. If someone hadn't told me, I wouldn't know I had cancer. On the other hand, I met with the infectious disease specialist the other day. He's the one who cleared the spinal infection last year. He felt terrible that I had such a diagnosis, and he said he went through my charts from last year, every thing he could find, and there was nothing that said or confirmed I had cancer, and direct tests (bone biopsy) were negative. I agreed. There was no solid confirmation of cancer last year, despite high PSA (43) and inconclusive evidence of bone lesions (spine and pelvis) and unidentified carcinoma in one of the biopsies. 

So it was a shock -- to the providers not to me so much -- when tests came back last month conclusively demonstrating advanced prostate cancer, so advanced that I think they're stumped at doing much of anything about it except making me as comfortable as possible. 

Next chemo on the 13th, then four more, then done. 

Chemo Starts Today

 I've been given preliminary medications that are supposed to lower my testosterone levels and otherwise start  controlling the cancer, but the real thing, the heavy duty infusions, start this morning. I've been given a shit-ton of literature to read to tell me about the drug that will be infused at the cancer center -- outpatient -- and I've skimmed it. I'll try to get into more complete detail after the treatment is over. 

I washed up yesterday, first water bath since this difficult period began over three weeks ago. I did a sponge bath in bed, not in the bathroom where I really haven't been in more than three weeks. No, just a couple of tubs of hot water, soap, wash cloths, Chux, and patience. I was doing it myself. Ms Ché prepared the tubs and got the towels and soap and stuff together, but I was feeling well enough to handle the washing process myself, and all went as planned until...

I got up for the fourth or fifth time, took a step to get some clean clothes, and whoops!, down I went. I was right by the bed so I thought I could get myself up. Nope. Wouldn't go. Each time I thought I was about to hoist myself off the floor by hanging onto the bed frame, my leg went out from under me and I was right back where I started from (the Shangri Las were playing on the laptop on the bed... they had some really good music on an album released after their famous period; it should be in a Broadway show, or be the spine of one... hmmm) .

I called out "Help!" and Ms. came in a jiffy. The trick was to get me up. Whoa. After much trial and error, we figured it out but... these falls were what convinced me to go to the ER in the first place, and while they aren't frequent, they're often enough, and I get banged up enough to make it not my favorite thing to do, and at least so far, there's no warning, and no sure way to prevent it. My neurologist said they happen because the cancer has damaged my spine, and in certain positions my spine pinches a nerve which affects the leg muscle, weakens it and I fall. I won't always know when it will happen.

Great.

So we transport me with careful use of walkers and a wheel chair. Got a ramp the other day to facilitate getting me up and down the one step at our house. Seems to work fine, though Ms. was dubious at first. I have two walkers. One was her mother's, the standard "frame." The other is my four wheel walker with a seat. Now I see them everywhere. We have two wheel chairs too, one with the big back wheel I can work myself and the other with small back wheels to facilitate transport. 

So we can get me to appointments and stuff, but I'm really worried about Ms. She has no help around the house with me, and the strain is really showing. I hope we can get someone skilled to help out soon. They say we should be able to, but it may take a while. Well, everything does. 

After the treatment this morning, I'll try to fill in more.